Dammit!

Another panic attack! A wierd one and think just an overflow from the previous day and today. Had my hair cut ( very happy with it!) and when my hairdresser asked me how I was I decided to tell him! Well people shouldn't ask if they don't really mean it! I really just wanted to relieve the anxiety about having an attack and trying to hide it - so thought i would explain so that if i had to get up mid haircut he wouldn't freak out. Well I had barely explained when he launched into his own issues with a "sorry to talk about myself!" I think he was saying that as he  intended to  explain he understood my angst by identifying his. Yeh - not convinced. Familiar story of how his parents and siblings have treated him and continue to do so - being the eldest son from a Hindu family and gay, with an abusive upbringing before being thrown out at a young age he has a lot to have angst about - but really I have heard it sooo many times over the years! So my attention wondered no matter how I tried to offer responses and solace. Well 45 minutes was pushing it to the extreme even for him! However hair done I could escape and do my shopping at the Co-op - lots of Omega -3 rich foods for my faulty cholesterol! No puddings! 
Once home I had a salmon sandwich and as the weather was so glorious decided to go up early to the allotment and boost my Vit D in the sun! .  Should have known there would be others up there - and the first woman I met, The Night Gardener,  asked how I was after my allotment episode which has obviously gone round the grapevine of allotmentors! My Fellow Allotmentor was there and that was fine, but my nerves had been jangled so I only  passed a little conversation over our plots. I was keeping an eye on the Midnight Gardener as I was blocking her in - 4 o'clock came and time to move the car. Thats when the panic started, so I drove around instead of reversing back in,  finally driving home to sit on the toilet feeling faint - I had already slapped myself hard across my face to get a grip on my mounting panic - didn"t work but man can I slap hard! I finally calmed myself and headed back to the allotment.  Putting the hens to bed quietened me further and it began to rain softly on and off - so I had a pleasant walk around in the dusk just to work off the adrenaline. Unfortunatly the uneasiness lasted most of the evening - but not another attack - and quite late I was able to eat a little.
So really just one thing after another  added into my stress bucket and it finally spilled over. But looking on the positive again, I managed. I told myself once more,  no matter how my body might be feeling, it was all caused by my mind,  nothing bad was going to happen to me, it would pass - just like weather! So another learning experience and more knowledge with which to address the next bout of anxiety. Since it was nearly a week since I had the last full blown panic attack I think I am moving forward and this was just a little blip along the way - not a setback. 
My other blip is the Christmas decs in the hairdressers - I had a nice one of the tree but that can be blipped at my next appointment in December - I don't mind planning for the event but no decs up before December!