View from the River

I took this yesterday just before I arrived at the restaurant. It was so cold that my hands lost their feeling which resulted in a lot of unfocused pictures... this is the best I can do ;-) 

I had a lovely lie-in- that's why God created Saturdays ;-) 

I didn't do a whole lot today. Earlier in the week I made plans to see T tonight, but somewhat predictably he cancelled on Friday morning. I had a sixth sense that he would. I never allow myself to get excited about anything at all, a self-preservation trick I picked up in childhood that remains steadfast with me. We will both be busy now for the next few weekends before Christmas, so it looks like a catch up won't be possible for now. It rather spoilt my day on Friday, as I felt those same feelings of uncertainty wash over me and render me a little upset although I didn't show it. I do remember we (I) got into a bit of a mess two years ago around the same time, and I realise I am not the same person that I was then, and I am not going to feel the way I do anymore. So I think maybe it's been a blessing of sorts; that maybe it's the past, and maybe it's just meant to be boxed up among the memories and only opened occasionally. That doesn't mean it doesn't hurt, but I am definitely better without all of the wondering. As much as I wish things were different, they aren't, and my energy is better spent focussing on my future rather than looking back. 

I wonder why we didn't make it; maybe it was never meant to be. It's actually three years to the day that we met, and lovely Facebook kindly shared some of our memories just to cheer me up ;-) If we meet up again in the New Year then great, but if not, then this too shall pass.

In the words of a friend this week" let go of the rope". 


And although it's easier said than done, maybe I will.