Even The Bad Times Are Good

My Dear Fellows & Dear Princess,

I have been too wrapped up in my bowels this week to tell you that Er Indoors is away at the moment. She flew out on Monday, to spend the week staying at her mum's in Tauranga. 

I say she flew. Actually weather diverted her to Hamilton, and I was subject to increasingly irritated texts from her. Because I am a loving husband I didn't laugh but it was difficult. For example, here's one...

They keep making announcements. "This is for the passengers diverted to Hamilton..."  We are the only people in this effing shed of an airport. No-one else is here. It's like that scene in "Meet The Parents".

And then twenty minutes later...

"This is an announcement for the passengers diverted to Hamilton. We don't have a bus for you yet because there are a lot of events going on in Hamilton today..." Effing REALLY b*tch?? Wtaf.

It seems mean that we are not together on Valentine's Day. Not that we make a big fuss anymore. I used to draw her Pepe Le Peu cards that said, "Com viz me to ze Cat's-Bah Darlink" but then I found out she doesn't like cartoons. So that was the end of that. 

And - as I mentioned on Friday - she's on a diet, is allergic to flowers and doesn't trust me to buy clothing, accessories or perfume. She doesn't drink except when she's out and she's not bothered about weekends away and she would rather have a curry in the front room than a night at a posh restaurant. So I'm pretty much scuppered, present-wise.

But this doesn't make me a bad husband. I just need to think outside the front room curry. I recalled that episode of "Friends" where Chandler makes Monica a mix-tape* and thought, "I can totally rip that idea off!"

You see, Er Indoors is always complaining that Alexa is annoying and doesn't play what she wants, so I've spent this evening building a special Alexa playlist of songs Er Indoors likes. The main difficulty is naming the playlist. Alexa has trouble with words. For example, I had a playlist of episodes of "I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue" which I called, "I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue".

Alexa didn't know what that was. "I'm sorry, I can't find a playlist called  'Able Saucy I Haddock a Poo' in your library," she said. Or something like that.

So I renamed it "Humphrey" after Humphrey Lyttleton. "I'm sorry, I can't find a playlist called 'Home Free' in your library," Alexa apologised.

So then I renamed it, "Home Free" figuring I would just give in to her unreasonable demands.

The awkward bugger claims she can't find THAT now either. 

So I'm going to have to come up with an easy name for this playlist. I was going to call it "Even The Bad Times Are Good" but that is probably way too complicated for Alexa. 

I should explain that Er Indoors's dad (Shetland Dad) used to listen to a radio channel called "Classic Gold FM" all the time. The announcers were those very smooth, golden-voiced, middle-aged DJ's who would say things like, "Stick with us through drrrrrivetime, we've got some great tunes and some old friends for you here on CLASSIC GOLD FM. Even the bad times are good with CLASSIC GOLD!"

And then they would play "Even The Bad Times Are Good" by The Tremeloes. Me and Er Indoors thought this was hilarious and mocked it all the time. 

To this day, whenever I put on an old song, I'll announce it like a Classic Gold FM DJ, if Er Indoors is around. "THIS goes out to a very special little lady in downtown Wellington! A bit of Gene Pitney to break your heart. It hurts to be in love? Sure does Gene!"

I am hilarious. Well, I think so.

So that was why I was going to name the playlist that. But Alexa won't stand for it I am sure. She also will not understand "Valentine's Day" or "Er Indoors" or "Special Playlist" or "Playlist" or "Any Bloody Thing".

So I'm going to call it, "Eff You Alexa You Effing Eff". Alexa probably still won't understand, but at least Er Indoors will get some satisfaction from making the request.

In other news, I've been binge-watching "Phoenix Nights" while Er Indoors is away and am now near the end of "Max & Paddy's Road To Nowhere". I actually had to stop this episode because I was unable to breathe from laughing. At around the 10 minute mark. You'll know the bit when you get to it. I love sophisticated humour. I am very highbrow and mature.

S.

* Except of course it was JANICE'S mix-tape really! I won't be making that rookie mistake Chandler me old mucker.