Searching

Searching this place
Every cluttered space
Pressed against book's leaf
Trying to hide my grief
Needing to find the memory
Not just some blindman's obituary
Knowing that on this shelf
Is the key to my mental health
That somewhere there's your word
Written in the voice I heard
whispering in my head
Repeating something once said
In the final days of us together
Yes, once we were together
And memories of that time are dear
Though most was spent in fear
Knowing full well of this time
Yes! We dreaded this time
But we made magic of what we had
Never allowing feelings bad
To enter into our waking hours
Yes! we treasured those waking hours
But in our sleep, in our dreams
Those dreads were written in reams
Words filling pain covered page
No matter that our minds might rage
And against inevitability's chain
Pull and endlessly, uselessly strain
For in the end there we lost
And into life's bin was tossed
Our future, our dreams our hope
Gone, lost as though the rope
On which everything had hung
Had snapped, been sundered, broken
And now, now I'm left with but a token
A letter full of words extraordinary
Nothing about you was ordinary
But even now that letter is hidden
Though your last words given
Took me a while to understand
Finally! Now it sits in my hand
And from within me there now pours
The pent-up grief of all those years
For as I read the simple words there written
By the deepest of loves I'm again smitten
As after all that you went though
I read "Darling, I will always love you"


Terry Rhiannyr
October 2012