Good Grief 361

Shadow self.
Of course it doesn’t really matter where we go, we have to take ourselves with us.
The weather was much better today but I had to encourage myself out to walk. I set myself a little objective and walked and cried. I so completely understand why people self harm. The sheer frustration of our emotional chaos which is so our own but seems so beyond us. The relentlessness of it and the unknowing. It is no wonder that sometimes people give up the struggle to face a lifetime that offers little likelihood of change. I also know it’s pointless, and so I walk. It moves and shifts and passes through. Working and living with the shadow self and deepening that relationship - no choice - we can’t divorce without disastrous consequences for both/all those selves.
So much beauty and light. I walked on and then out for miles and sat on the beach and cried. I texted my friend who’s always up for light(!) relief in the working week....Text read, ‘Rat on the beach crying’. I realised my mispelling but kept it and sent it anyway as it raised a smile and then I was followed by a wise owl as I headed back.