Belittling

I was genuinely feeling great today. I went to the library at 10 am for around 2-hours just to say that I didn't waste the entire day. I finished all of the Section A revision and decided to stop and do a section each day instead of all at once.

I then went home and my cat cuddled up to me so I read Act 1 (both scenes) of The Tempest and then decided I was exhausted and went to sleep for a little while.

At around 3 pm I woke up and craved maltesers so I went for a nice 2-hour (ish) stroll around the store and ended up buying too much junk food, as per.

When I got home I split it between myself and Richard so I didn't feel TOO fat.

But then suddenly I didn't feel great again. I was reminded of how belittled I've felt these past few days. How if I mention things that are going well for me everyone just disregards it or tells me it's not even a good thing. Or that it's only because of my position that it's going so well. So I'm just left feeling stupid, underachieved and overall disrespected by the people who I'd least expect that from. I try so hard to praise everyone I love for their work and good things that happen for them but I guess I just don't deserve that back.

Afterall, no one really deserves anything, right?

Or maybe I just deserve nothing.

I just tried so hard to do well for myself and as always it gets shat on so I guess I'm not worth the effort. I'll never be worth anything more than depression.

On the plus side, I get to spend more of my life trying hard to achieve what I want so I can show everyone who belittles me that they're wrong. Hopefully.

Not really worth saying anything else at this point, just another night spent being miserable.