Hurry up Brexit

I am having my culinary skills and above all patience being tested to the limit. Still, have three horrible bought cooped up chicken eggs that have to be used. I love soft-boiled, scrambled or omelette eggs but only if they are squidgy. However, there is no way I am going to eat these ones without them being cremated. I don't even put the shells in the pot we put them and then to dry then crush and spread them in the hen area so they can replenish their calcium levels if they need to.

So tonight I had to do some hard thinking and eventually came up with a souffle. A quick Google got me to a page from the UK's Guardian Newspaper entitled "Dinner for Under a Fiver:Budget gourmet recipes. Kicking off this week-long series from Britain's top chefs, Delia Smith whips up two new exclusive recipes".

PERFECT - Delia has been my hero ever since her pre-Brexit 1970s TV cook slot on BBC East Anglia's "Look East" show and from 1973-5 got her own show.  My Mum was a fan and had her first cookbooks and I have continued this. Delia is my First Choice in all culinary matters and I blindly trust her to look after me.

Not sure what it was - perhaps the first pint of Strawberry Pimms - that made me read the instructions twice. What on EARTH has happened to Delia??

"30g of butter including 5g for buttering the dish"

Dear Delia, back in 1970 you wouldn't have been so wasteful. 0.8818 ozs are more than enough and you know we don't waste 0.177ozs for buttering the dish. I'm sure your first book (1971) "How to cheat at cooking" made it quite clear that one always keeps the silver paper butter is wrapped in, pop it in the fridge and use it whenever one has to butter a dish, flan, pot or pan. And yes, you double cheated by re-publishing the original book in 2008  so as to get "in" with the EU crowd - that didn't work either as we now know.


"You will need a 750ml souffle dish, 15cm in diameter, 7.5cm deep"

Sorry what? Has she lost her marbles? For goodness sake gal, we are in England. We don't measure souffle dishes in "mls or cms". Every single household in England, probably throughout the UK, has a set of Royal Worcester "Evesham" souffle and flan dishes and these are all clearly marked with the Shape and Size Number. See Extra Photo.
Dear Delia, what you wanted was Shape 46 Size 2. Please stop the lack of accurate information - we English like to have real dependent 1000% TRUE FACTS and anyway I can't divide cms by 2.5xxxxxxx to get to inches.

"For the salad, just wipe the lettuce leaves with damp kitchen paper, discarding the tough outer leaves"

Here we go again: Waste, Waste, Waste and anyway back then we relied on the odd slug for our protein. Never heard of anyone dying from salad poisoning back then and we had teeth with all-terrain Amalgam filling that could crush any lettúce leaf.

And to finish it off:

"...before you serve, toss with lemon juice, olive oil, salt and pepper".

Delia, Have we forgotten something? Norwich City Football Club? Carrow Road, Colman's Dry Mustard? No wonder the Canaries went to pieces under your Chairmanship. Salad Cream though never hurt anyone, even that new fangles Hellmann's is better than an oil and lemon juice diet,


I did actually follow Delia to the letter but for adding some mustard (note for my children - I have just opened the penultimate tin of Colman's Mustard and reckon that in 2020 I will need new supplies. Perhaps a tin beforehand at Christmas 2018 in case it's a Hard Brexit and no Implementation Period?) and as I had just used up all my cheddar the day before, I had to go with German Bergkäse, a strong cheese local to this area.

By the time the souffle came out, I was ready for my second pint of Pimms throwing caution to the wind drinking it from a German Half-litre beer mug, no cucumber or anything else slices of decoration but at least a straw.

It was good. The salad was yuk or better said boring as ...... What happened to a good mixed salad. Are we now bringing up our children just on rabbit food? No wonder they are all wasting away and getting such bad exam results in the worldwide comparison tables. What happened to cucumbers, tomatoes, celery, carrots, kohlrabi, fennel ......

And if I have upset any of those 1970s people who in the age of Habitat and all that, abandoned Royal Worcester for some plain white French souffle dishes or the old skillet for one of those fancy horrible orange Le Creuset pans, I don't apologise - I hope all your souffles collapsed and you burnt your bacon.


Watched a bit of TV News. Nice to see our gutless Prime Minister went to Scotland today to lecture to the Scottish MPs "to get behind her proposal that delivers on Brexit, that ensures we bring an end to free movement and the jurisdiction of the European Court of Justice, which protects jobs and livelihoods and is good for every part of the UK".

I hope someone asked her what "Brexit" means. She's so gutless that she didn't attend the wonderful European Championships being held just down the road in Glasgow and the city full to the brim with young people from all over Europe celebrating together in such wonderful spirit. Will such people as athletes whether from Europe or anywhere in the World be allowed into the UK for such events without a Visa in future?

Delia may have dropped her standards but Mrs May you don't have any not even when you hide behind a false highly religious exterior based on your father being a vicar.  Think I'll stick with Delia after all.

Oh and I double checked on whether I ought to extend my range of Royal Worcester Evesham Gold Oven-to-Tableware. Oh what a sorry story. It was that "EU" no doubt that forced them into bankruptcy. Junckers & Co probably insisted on there being a warning on the box not to put the gold rimmed pots and flans in the microwave.