Calling A Spade A Spade

Dear O'H dear and Lovely Tea Jenny,

Today there was a bit of foof chat with The Mini Princesses.

They were talking about when they first had sex education at school. The class were asked to shout out all the names that they knew for their ‘private areas’.* Eldest Mini Princess said that she hadn’t even heard of most of them as I had always used the correct names for parts of the body. There were only vaginas in our house**. No flowers, Minnies or Nancys.

At the time, Mary Doll did not approve. When EMP was 2, she very matter-of-factly told her Granny that she had nipples.

Mary Doll was genuinely aghast ‘HOW does she know THAT word?

On learning that I had imparted this information, Mary Doll accused me of taking her innocence away! Apparently I should have told her they were ‘spots’ or ‘dolly mixtures’!

The Mini Princesses were laughing about this. I then explained that Mary Doll didn’t tell me the words ‘vagina’ and ‘penis’ until I was ten years old but made me promise not to tell my younger brother!***

Until that moment, I had a ‘middle’ and my brother had a ‘wee man’.

WTAF?

Thankfully, the tv programme ‘Malcolm In The Middle’ wasn’t made until I was much older. I would have been scared to watch it!

C

*A dangerous game. Apparently the c-bomb was mentioned by someone in EMP’s class but the teacher decided not to write it down!

**Excluding The Prince!

***Which I obviously did, about 10 minutes later.