I’ll come back to this perhaps but the two tone effect represented the light and dark and many graded layers in between.
Almost every time I have swum I have coexisted with panic.
It is something to do with liminal space, I think.
An elementally different place where vulnerability, aloneness...and many other emotions rise and are easily exposed and not so readily masked.
It is a place where self doubt and criticism congregate.
I have loved the focus that has meant we have practiced regularly with an objective that has meant we keep going when we would otherwise not bother. But I am so used to going alone that with other/s I will compare...too slow and without the objective it wouldn’t happen...and then the focus becomes the raisin d’etre but knowing it is not enough and it has an end point.
As I look back the shore seems so far away and I am so far out.
Neither place seems safe or okay.
If I stop, that is it.
And I bob in a constant suspended panic until I am water and air, ‘wrapped around with rocks and stones and trees’ and could stay forever.