This is what a birthday looks like in the office. We seem to have an average of two each week. I guess that must mean that there are more-or-less 100 people working here, though I haven't counted them.

It seems that office protocol requires that the birthdee brings in treats to suit conventional tastes in quantities of a magnitude to ensure that nobody feels excluded, and should email all staff in the building to alert them to the happy event awaiting them in the kitchen/breakout room.

I imagine that if one does not work in a tight and cosy little team who were forewarned of your imminent happy event then balloons will not happen all by themselves.

I have plenty of time to prepare myself for this inevitability, but it doesn't make me find it any less contrived, or hateful.

Spinach drizzle-cake anyone?