Suburban adventure

Oh, the stress. In my four or five years away from blip, a great drama unfolded between me and a family. It was awful and I can’t bear to explain it all now, but it has, for the most part, been resolved. Except last night I received a text from C, the daughter. She had heard that I am very unstable at the moment. Now for reasons of her own mental health, I am really keen C knows as little as possible about my instability. I told her I was fine and got my housemate to back it up. Thing is, my housemate doesn’t exactly know the full story either.

So now C will doubtless go to her parents and they will either reveal all to her or my housemate will be drawn in and have all revealed to her. It’s a dangerous business not being open with everyone. Messy. But I was trying to protect people. And surely I should be allowed some confidentiality?! I don’t know, I’m feeling guilty for lying. I shouldn’t lie. But I really don’t want everyone knowing everything...

So, yes, messy, messy. I’m anxious for how things will work out. Anna said just try to do what’s right and then it doesn’t matter what other people think of you. But lying isn’t right, even if I tried to do it largely for good reasons. I do feel a bit better for her saying that though, I think. Praying it will work out alright.

The day had looked very empty so, after sleeping most of the morning, I invited myself to come in the car to some semi-distant suburbs with my housemate as she was teaching out there. I took a wander to get my 5000 steps and attempted a bit of maths.

I felt a sadness as I walked round the beautifully maintained front gardens and many parked cars. I doubt my mood had much to do with my surroundings though.

I tried to recall Psalm 91 up to the end of today’s verse:

‘You will tread on the lion and the cobra, you will trample on the great lion and the serpent.’

God has defeated the serpent, Satan. He has power over even the mightiest beasts. If we trust in him, he holds us safely above them, giving us eternal safety in him.

So I might be hated and get in trouble for my lies. Which I probably deserve. But not only will there be no more sin in the new creation, there will be no more sadness, no more tension, no more anxiety. I will be with Jesus forever. Nothing can separate me from that. I need to fix my eyes on that and worry less about these comparatively little things. Should probably ask Jesus to help me be more truthful and honest.

In the evening I went to homegroup, which was a bit of a struggle. Especially because of the feet twiddling near me. I think I have a real thing about feet. Especially bare ones. But any feet coming near my personal space are recipe for much stress.

Oh I do hope things work out with C. But remember, Laura, no real harm can overtake me. I’m with Jesus for eternity.