Hooked up

I spent an hour and a half hooked up to this monitor this morning while I had an IV drip of lidocaine coursing through my veins. I could have shown you the IV drip and needle, but it was difficult to bend my arm around to take the photo and besides, I wasn't sure I wanted to gross out my audience with a photo of said needle. So here's my heart rate and blood pressure (a little higher than usual). Every ten minutes the BP cuff would tighten around my tender arm, which was the worst part of the whole procedure (I don't mind needles, and in my extensive experience being the recipient of medical procedures, I've had far far worse).

The lidocaine is supposed to be a long-term solution (4-6 months) to help combat the nerve pain I experience in my feet and legs. It's my constant companion; some days are worse than others. I like to think I'm spiritually evolved enough to embrace some of the New Age platitudes or Buddhist understanding of pain vs suffering. But pain is a funny thing; it can affect so many aspects of one's life. The trick is to find ways to circumvent it.

Here's what helps me the most: singing, playing with Liza, laughing with Laurie, taking photos, hanging with friends. I try not to dwell on the pain, but it's also nice to be with people I can be honest with about it if I'm having a hard day. I've written about it on a blog I kept for awhile, and that helped; but at some point it's good to just move on and not let the pain or the disability define my life or become the focus of everything I do or say.

What this fancy cardiac equipment doesn't monitor is how full of gratitude my heart is for the love and beauty in my life.