Little man

Refers to both the model (a small warhammer 'dude' that Corin has meticulously painted this week - he's about 7cm tall, including the Mast-head on a pole!) and to James.

I am going to back blip last night shortly, if only to fill the gap. The reason I didn't blip was that after Parent's evening, I got home, couldn't face eating because I had worked myself up so much about James' behaviour that I was fraught. After burying my head in a pillow for ten minutes and sobbing, I felt a little better, and spent some time researching on the internet about boys behaviour and relationships with step-parents. I didn't find anything that surprised me - in fact, it is reassuring to find a wealth of information and experiences that are similar to ours and affirm that what we are doing is appropriate. Feeling somewhat calmer by 9.30ish, I spent a couple of hours ski-jumping and such like on the Wii, and did some yoga. I slept well.

Work was busy today. During the day I found time to speak to a colleague who is employed as a counsellor for students, but who also is available to staff in the same capacity. I asked for her advice over James, spent some time explaining the situation, and history, to her and ended up breaking down again. Partly because she was so sympathetic, and partly I guess that I needed to let it out before I could start to focus on tackling the underlying issues.

You can imagine that I was dreading going to pick him up, because I knew that we were going to have to talk frankly. My weekends are precious, and my relationship with James is too, but to tolerate his actions would be to sanction them, and I don't accept poor behaviour. Maybe thats why I am a teacher!

Long story short, James and I have had a full and very frank discussion about the reality of his day to day situation and how he is feeling, and why, and we have agreed that his behaviour is not acceptable, as it is making many people miserably, including himself. I have constantly reinforced how much I love him, and how many other people love and care for him, and also that being his mum makes me more proud than anything else. I also calmly explained that I was very upset that his behaviour earlier this week meant that he had broken a promise that he had made to me - something that he has never done.

So, on Sunday, James and I will go to meet with his Dad and girlfriend to review this conversation so that James knows exactly what has been discussed/shared - all out in the open, all 'singing from the same hymm sheet'. We have also agreed on some strategies to help him to overcome the behaviour issue, and some targets for him to achieve. Our other agreement is that his Dad and I will contact each other every day and if James' behaviour has been good, i.e. he has been polite and shown respect to the person who he is being rude to, then there will be no consequence, just praise and life goes on as it is. But if he does not do what he has accepted is the right and proper thing, then he will have broken a promise to me, and I will impose some sort of 'sanction' - because he has to understand that his disrespect for his Dad's girlfriend involves so many people.

Fortunately, he seems to have taken all of this, and I know that he is pushing boundaries to a certain extent. In my heart, I know that with time, patience and perseverence he will overcome the problem (which when we really started to unpick things, isn't actually a problem!) and will reap the benefits of quality time with all of the adults involved in his care. And he has been very conciliatory tonight - eating well, tidying up, volunteering to go to bed early, cleaning teeth without being asked....

We'll see.

My heart feels like it has mended a little.

Will try and catch up with comments later, or tomorrow.

Thanks for reading
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