Stunned deer in the headlights.

Stunned, dazed, exhausted, and just a brief moment before started to cry.

My face looks slightly contorted here, it's the timing of the shutter, but even though I look quite weird, I thought I'd publish it because the weird, contorted, dazed expression does actually convey how I was feeling.

Today was my radiation planning appointment. Two hours of lying flat, arms pinned back, while I was touched, measured, drawn upon and finally tattooed by four different medical staff (who were lovely). It wasn't painful, just uncomfortable as my shoulder started to ache and my arms went to sleep. After I was measured and marked, I was scanned a few times in the CT machine, then photographed (face shot for the file) and given the radiation side-effects chat.

It's just over a week since I finished chemotherapy, I'm feeling wretched and at the end of the appointment I just started to cry. I can't really describe the toll this whole experience has taken because it has changed me so completely. I am running on my energy reserve tank now. Not much left.

Once the radiation is over, i know that I have done all I can medically, (as well as mentally and spiritually) I will be grateful and get back on with my life. Sound simple? Sound easy?