The Back - Trouble int' pits

I have read all this so you don't have to. Don’t mention it.
 
To unlock push forward with thumb (Diagram): Is this digitist? Could other fingers be used?
 
Some stuff from the front: Sure, invisible, antibacterial, Anti-odour, Anti-Marks Yeah, we got all that the first time.
 
But!: It now says Anti-Sweat rather than Anti-Perspiration! Are we getting down and dirty?
 
Plus coming in at number 4 we now have Pro-Move.  Got me there. Does that mean it is anti-procrastination?
 
48H long lasting freshness:  So I CAN halve my usage! I hope they are working on a 72H formula. Or a one squirt lifetime dose?
 
Alcohol free*: This is a good one! If you follow the star and have good eyesight, it says “Ethyl alcohol”. Ie  It doesn’t contain any “drinking” alcohol –but there are plenty of other alcohols present. See under ingredients.
 
Shake well: Warning. Parental guidance (See Extra)
 
Directions:  “Shake well, hold can 15cm from the underarm and spray” NB A tape measure is not included with the purchase. “The underarm” is commonly referred to as “The armpit”
 
Caution: “Do not use on broken skin. Stop use if rash or irritation occurs. Avoid direct inhalation. Use in short bursts in well–ventilated places. Avoid prolonged spraying. Do not spray near eyes. Use only as directed.” (Translation: This is tricky stuff. Only use briefly when outdoors and with your eyes closed)
 
Danger: “Extremely Flammable Aerosol. Pressurised  container . May burst if heated. Keep away from heat, hot surfaces, sparks, open flames and other ignition sources. No smoking. Do not spray on an open flame or other ignition source. Do not pierce or burn, even after use. Protect from sunlight. Do not expose to temperatures exceeding 50 degrees C. Keep out of reach of children” ( Translation: you are now the proud owner of an unexploded bomb/flame-thrower)
 
Ingredients: This, of course, is the motherlode!
 
Butane
Isobutane
Propane
Let’s just say that with a few of these babies strapped to your arms and legs, you could become JetPackMan. Definitely “Pro-Move” anyway
Cyclopentasiloxane
This is a silicone regularly used in cosmetic products. It's commonly found in medical implants, sealants, lubricants, and windshield coatings.
Aluminium  Chlorohydrate
It is used in cosmetics as an antiperspirant and as a coagulant in water purification.
 
PPG-14 Butyl Ether
 
 It enhances the appearance of dry or damaged skin by reducing flaking and restoring suppleness. 
 
Parfum
Exactly what it sounds like : nice smelling stuff put into cosmetic products so that the end product also smells nice. It is a generic term on the ingredient list but it can have as much as 200 components!
 There's no way to know what’s really in it. 
 
Disteardimonium Hectorite
An organic derivative of hectorite clay, It is used as a viscosity controller
Propylene carbonate
Used in cosmetics and skincare products to dissolve or suspend other ingredients in a formulation and also to decrease the thickness of formulations.
It is a petroleum-derived product and can be found in some adhesives and paint strippers
 
Caprylic/Capric Triglyceride
 
Caprylic triglyceride is an ingredient used in soaps and cosmetics. It’s usually made from combining coconut oil with glycerin.
 
Sodium starch
Sodium starch glycolate is the sodium salt of carboxymethyl ether. It is produced by cross-linking and carboxy methylation of potato starch. It can also be manufactured from other starch foods such as corn, wheat, and rice.
 
Octenylsuccinate
Aluminum Starch Octenylsuccinate is the aluminum salt of the reaction product of octenylsuccinic anhydride with starch. It is used in cosmetics at concentrations as high as 30% as an anticaking agent and a nonaqueous viscosity increasing agent.
 
BHT
Butylated hydroxytoluene (BHT), also known as dibutylhydroxytoluene, is a lipophilic organic compound, chemically a derivative of phenol, that is useful for its antioxidant properties. BHT is widely used to prevent free radical-mediated oxidation in fluids
 
Alpha-Isomethyl Ionone
 
It is a synthetically made and naturally occurring organic compound found in Brewer's yeasts or the species known as Saccharomyces cerevisiae. The compound is an isomer of methyl ionone. Its primary scent is flowery and secondary scent is violet. It may also have a woody or orris-like scent. and is often used in flavouring and cosmetic industries
 
Benzyl alcohol
It is produced naturally by many plants .It is also found in a variety of essential oils including jasmine, hyacinth andylang-ylang. It is also found in castoreum from the castor sacs of beaver
However it is also produced industrially from toluene via benzyl chloride, which is hydrolysed.
 
 
Benzyl Salicylate
 
is a salicylic acid benzyl ester, a chemical compound most frequently used in cosmetics as a fragrance additive or UV light absorber
 
Citronellol
Or dihydrogeraniol, is a natural acyclic monoterpenoid. Both enantiomers occur in nature. (+)-Citronellol, which is found in citronella oils, including Cymbopogon nardus (50%), is the more common isomer. (−)-Citronellol is found in the oils of rose (18–55%) and Pelargonium geraniums.
Geraniol
It is a monoterpenoid and an alcohol. It is the primary component of rose oil, palmarosa oil, and citronella oil.
Hexyl Cinnamal
It is a common additive in the perfume and cosmetic industry as aroma substance. It is found naturally in the essential oil of chamomile.
Linallool
This refers to two enantiomers of a naturally occurring terpene alcohol found in many flowers and spice plants. These have multiple commercial applications, the majority of which are based on its pleasant scent.
 
Pretty frightening eh? But don’t Blame Unilever. They have to use these official horrible scientific names. Many are “natural products”. Well they could be, but they can also be generated by alternative industrial processes. Don’t worry, they will all have been rigorously tested on animals , or even humans. (One or two beavers might have been inconvenienced in the manufacturing process (See Benzyl Alcohol)
 
Other stuff: 
 
 A free phone number:  0800 0852639 if you want to compliment them on their packaging design
 
“Not for sale in the Republic of Ireland”? Too dangerous? Might the IRA get their hands on it?
 
www.surewomen.co.uk  Seems they don’t want to miss out on sales on the distaff side
 
Widely recycled:  41 ALU means that they can go in with the soft drink cans. But apparently, if it is not completely empty it should go in “Hazardous Waste”. Hence the flammable image warning sign 
 
Solvent abuse can kill instantly: Is the room well ventilated? Are the bursts too long? Do you feel lucky punk?