New Year

Today can just F off.

Went for a walk and deleted most of the photos because they are all (insert expletive).

Grumpy at the world. Was not impressed at being woken up and the pain from the constant explosions. But of course you must not dare complain about them because then you are just a grumpy old cow. Its just a bit of fun after all. Yeah because complete nerve pain so I couldn't even move and help the terrified dog is so much (insert expletive) fun. 

Then the (insert string of expletives) laptop lost connection to the (expletive) internet after I had already written my journal and would not connect because the (expletive) thing wanted to update. 

I threw my phone. Thankfully its in a tough case so survived. 

Fed up with yay 2020 is gone. News flash a change of digit does not make normal come back, its not coming back anytime soon. Stop pinning your hope on a new year means normal will return. 

So yeah I am just a miserable grumpy old cow. Or should that be ancient cow now. All 2020 meant to me was amplifying that I have no friends and really who would want to be friends with my anyway. People want friends they can go out with not one who has to be in bed by 7.30. 

I know of my problem is depression creeping back in. But I do feel so desperately alone. 

I did say sod it and buy membership. It always used to be a birthday present to myself.