Lock him down they screamed......so I did

I can't see, eat or hear. My hearing aids are on the desk, so the world is a soft quieter place, despite the pillock with the chainsaw giving it heaps. 

I whispered sweet nothings in the Garden Fairie's ears t'other evening. Dang! That was dangerous. All I said on Sunday was, "What's the betting the silent calls start again on Monday?" Two yesterday, two so far today. Inviting them to secrete their headset in their fundament is my favourite response to being informed my internettyweb connection will be cut. 

In these weird times could not GCHQ play little games with the idiots who attempt to deprive us of our pitiful savings? Should we tell Plod that ISIS is now using the following number, 04107230282, just to see how many black overalled figures can descend on one house?

Go on, rant, you know you want to. :-))