good friday

this is not a good photo. at least not aesthetically. but it is a snapshot into today, and that matters. and that sort of makes it good.

today was a good day. it was hard on so many levels. i felt weak, tested, broken, angry, sad, weary, hopeless, needy, broken again, and finally, hopeful (in that order). i dont feel redeemed. yet. maybe that will come on sunday. but i feel like im moving in the right direction. there is honesty and clarity, intention, humility, and deep love. and that, that will be sufficient.

today was a re-definition of good. appropriate for good friday. it was not good because it was easy or fun. it was good because there was an acknowledgment of brokenness and a willingness to fight it. i just keep thinking, along with ts eliot, that we are living among the breakage. we are broken people living in a broken world and things will be messy. im okay with that. its not an excuse, but it does make redemption a reality. and a necessity.

so today we entered into darkness. and there we shall remain. until sunday. and sunday is a new day and a new creation. i will take that to heart. sunday all this is made new and all this is redeemed. im okay with being broken now, i am waiting in hopeful expectation. sunday.

i bracketed my day well. i think that matters. i think focus matters. i think being reminded of what is important (and what isnt) matters.

"the dripping blood our only drink,
the bloody flesh our only food:
in spite of which we like to think
that we are sound, substantial flesh and blood--
again, in spite of that, we call this friday good."

ts eliot again, east coker IV