Tuesday's painting...

...
I lost the will to live yesterday, and was hanging by a thread.

This was to do with several issues:
First was to try and get in this particular hospital. Reception wouldn't let you in unless you changed your mask to their blue medical mask which they gave you. I had difficulties because reception wouldn't lower her mask to allow me to lipread. I had my sunflower lanyard on which says hidden disabilities and badge to say I was deaf and need to lipread. I explained but she wouldn't listen. I explained I couldn't wear the hospital medical mask she was handing me because it had ear loops, and because of my speech processor held on with magnet to my head, that ear loops knocks it off my ear. She wouldn't listen, wouldn't let me in. 


By this time I am not breathing well because of my asthma and having to talk a lot. Finally I took my own mask off and had to use my inhaler. I told her I am medically exempt from wearing a mask, and because of this altercation, and stress she caused, I was now unable to wear even my mask. 

I had asked her for reasonable adjustments, and she wasn't making any.

Finally she pointed to the sanitiser and motioned me to use it, then let me in. I have never not worn my mask yet in any situation. I am medically exempt, but I have always chosen to wear my mask. 

So, this caused me stress.

Then things went worse. The person I had to see wore a mask. This was in audiology where they deal with deaf people. There is no provision for deaf people at all. Not even a clear shield mask. So, for me this became a complicated appointment. It was to alter some settings within my tablet to work to make it compatible with my speech processor. The remote control for my speech processor is within my tablet, and this controls loudness/softness of sound, and much more. But she said the settings were not there in my tablet for what she wanted to do, and directed me to stuff online which cost money to buy/subscribe to, and then a hefty monthly/yearly fee to myself to keep it running. I was so drained with the effort of trying to follow all this, that when I got home I went to bed and went to sleep, and each time I woke up, my body pulled me under into sleep again. 

I fully understood the words 'losing the will to live', because I was so drained there was almost nothing left at all in me. And I was like this all evening, sleeping and waking, sleeping and waking.

I have overslept this morning for me. I do not like waking this late at 6:30 am, I have missed watching the dawn sky and the sun getting up. And all those changes of early morning light, which raises my spirits for the day.

There was an email waiting for me this morning from a friend who I told a lengthier version of this in more detail. She had been researching, and sent me links where these settings were in my tablet. It was a simple matter of following these instructions and I now have what the person could not do yesterday. And I now have my tablet set up for this compatibility that was needed to aid stuff for my speech processor, and I do not need these exorbitant apps and online subscriptions, which all needed a working online connection to run them. So my friend found the settings within the tablet and it costs nothing, and it does not need a working online internet connection to use them, and does exactly the same job as the expensive online ones. 

It took me just a short while  experimenting with the settings and different voices within the tablet settings (I did have to download some stuff to get it up and running, these settings need to be set up, but once it is on the tablet, it is there, and not dependent on an internet connection to work), and a lot more stuff. 

So I am grateful for this friend. She sent me other links too which I will check out in a bit.

So here is my painting this morning, which is about yesterday, and my feelings and emotions, but this painting is after a night's sleep, so probably it is different from the emotions in the painting yesterday.