Take care out there.....

Have you ever visited Winston Spencer Churchill’s grave? An atypical English Churchyard in the land he loved so deeply. Disrespected by many in these ‘modern’ times, his upbringing, life and war experiences constantly questioned. Yet, if not for him, these words would be in a different language, if they were permitted. 

His voice invoked the order to create a breed of men who would take the fight to the enemy in WW2. He had the vision to create the Commandos, his experience of the Boer Kommandos on the Veldt convinced him that this new way of war was the way to create fear and uncertainty in an enemy’s mind. 

“We sleep soundly in our beds because rough men stand ready in the night to visit violence on those who would do us harm.”

Each Spring I wander outside at night, usually around 2200 and wait to visit violence on whatever comes out of the ground or the garden walls to destroy the Garden Fairies’ plants. I can hear them chanting in their hidey holes, swarms of slugs and snails communicating in an eerie sliding dissonance. When they come out of cover I am waiting, head-torch, hand-torch and two knives. 

Forty five minutes later the ground is covered in their bodies, disgorging their internal organs and eggs. Crushing snail shells ensures there are no starter homes for the next night’s generation of sliding munchers. No slug pellets are used, Detective Chief Inspector Morse has developed a liking for the little blue sweeties. I’m not paying the vet for another round of cat therapy. 

After a week there’s a noticeable reduction in the numbers of enemy. Two weeks later they are virtually destroyed. The hedgepig loves this tasty smorgasbord, saves me sweeping away the detritus. 

I’m sure the nocturnal wander helps me fall asleep. I have a conscience but it’s not wasted on the invertebrates that would ruin Elaine’s babies. Somebody once said, “Never take a knife to a gunfight.” When the slugs start carrying Glocks I’ll start worrying, until then keep out of our garden!