Today we are cutting Teddy's fur.......

Detective Chief Inspector Morse regarded the preceding customer warily. He was an irregular visitor to this establishment and did not wish to share his holiday plans or sexual preference for the winner of Eurovision. Questions about his plans for the rest of the day were deflected with his usual insouciance; enquiries about his weekend requisites were equally ignored, having been converted to a eunuch from an early age he had no need of such frivolities.

Talk was rife about the savagery of the slug murderer at loose in the neighbourhood, Morse felt close to the source, indeed he was as he leapt from the top of the fence and brushed past my thigh as the knife of doom slashed the slug of slime. If only the Plod knew.

Today I must talk with the lady doctor type. She of the dominatrix disposition and sweet smile. My blood pressure is disturbing those around me. It’s scaring the beejeezus out of me, stroke country, never mind, I haven’t had a …………………Yes dear, you can carry on hoovering around me………no dear just writing to a phrend.