Ladies Beach Volleyball

“At last Ladies and Gentleman this is Lionel Little-Farquhar reporting for the BBC from Tokyo; we are proud to bring you the first round contest of the Ladies Beach Oggleball, I mean Volleyball. Our intrepid photographer, “Snapper” Graham, threw his 18 stone through the crush of paparazzi to grab what he could, I mean that in the best possible taste.”

“On the left we have the American stars, Whimsy Highball and Latisha Legover, both highly accomplished, they must be it says it here on my script and it’s in colour. On the right we can see the bookies outright no-hoper, Fatwa Pending, representing the Kabul branch of the Paramilitary Talibanesses. Her partner Sadwun Mokka is absent from the group as she was taken away when it was noticed by officials that she was wearing combat sandals, in contravention of the rules. When x-rayed she was discovered to also be concealing a home-made suicide vest. This was removed before any damage was done, the Japanese security staff claimed this was a first for them as it was duct taped to her chest hair.”

“I notice our two Canadian lumberjacks in the audience. I doubt they have ever seen so much lady flesh without cash changing hands before. Here we go, hunker down and wait for incoming Kalashnikov fire from the hordes of bearded supporters herded into the demilitarised area, some of whom are men."

In other news……

The Garden Fairy helps our widowed friends by taking them and their cats to the vet, shopping etc. Today she took Joan with “Arthur” an aged Siamese for his annual jabs. On the way back Joan said, “I don’t know how long he will last, he’s 20, frail, almost blind and simply gets up to eat and use his litter tray.”

The Garden fairy looked across at her and said, “I do understand, it sounds just like Rob.” 

I did wonder what that pile of wood pellets was for in the bathroom.