Flash

We are privileged to be able to jump on a train from A to B, but I usually conclude on trains and whilst dealing with other companies in the UK that we’re often rinsed while being inconvenienced.

Today, on a journey up to Staffordshire for the final time before returning to Africa, there were various issues in exchange for 80 quid shelled out (no driver, disruption on the line, having to divert via Birmingham and go at a snail’s pace). As the corporate sector has us over a barrel, we accept it whilst the rich oligarchs sit back and see their profits rise, count their shekels and stroke their cats.

I was entertained on the train by a hen party who boarded at Milton Keynes, immediately got on the tequila rose and played a version of Mr and Mrs with the groom’s answers played through video clips for the benefit of the whole carriage. The couple were in sync about their favourite sexual position being the reverse cowgirl.

Banter erupted between the hens and a group of gay guys heading to Manchester and doing their makeup ahead of a drag performance. They were trying to decide whether they should do a Steps track or Perfect Moment by Martine McCutcheon.

In Stoke I was greeted by persistent rain, a heavy police presence, and jettisoned cans of Carling and Red Bull in a pile of sick by the station wall. I was also greeted by my sister, who scooped me up and drove me to the Peak District for a walk. We feared a drenching but the rain abated for a couple of hours.

We went to Flash, the UK’s highest village, where the playground of the former school (last known pupil count = 4) has been repurposed as a car park. Parking over the hopscotch we donned walking boots, and headed towards the Three Shires Bridge, where Cheshire, Staffordshire and Derbyshire meet. Here there used to be bare knuckle fights between residents of the different counties and if the police turned up, people would just scatter into a different county; arrests prevented by the jurisdiction boundaries.

A herd of alpaca appeared behind a fence, which was a surprising moment.

Despite the school closure, it was heartening to see that Flash holds events such as an annual duck race to keep the community spirit alive.

An evening of sporting references. Family banter is revolving around the fact my sister’s boyfriend has a strong resemblance to Matthew Pinsent. And a former patient my sister cared for said she looked like Sue Barker. I’ve researched and there is some truth in this based on pictures of a young Sue.