Letting Go

Today is the 49th day after Palesa’s death on July 18, 2021. Sue and I meditated together this morning, and I was able to redirect my grief to gratitude, my sorrow for my personal loss to a sorrow for all the suffering of others. Sue assembled this bouquet of flowers from her garden. 

We are meeting with one of our sanghas (communities of meditators) today at noon, via zoom, and I will be reading the prayer for Palesa that I have been reading daily since I was able to put the words together. I am reading it first for Palesa, and then I am reading a slightly edited version for myself, for the sangha, and for all beings. Here is that slightly shorter prayer, for each of you who reads this journal:

In your next life, if you have a next life, may you keep what you cultivated in this life: your capacities for joy, generosity, laughter, and persistence. May you again be passionate and fierce, radiant with life-energy, imagination, delight. May you develop the spirituality you are drawn to.

In your next life, if you have a next life, may you be born in gentler circumstances than you had this time. May you have adequate shelter, food, and clothing. May you be held and cared for by someone who loves you to the end of time and space. May you give and receive love bountifully, and may you be part of a community that offers belonging and playful kindness. May you have a healthy brain, a capable brain with stability and focus. May you use your gifts in service to others. 

In your next life, if you have a next life, may you delight in your body, may you take joy in the beauties of nature, art, and music; may you express your pleasures and your sexuality freely and without shame. Wherever your energy arises, in whatever part of the world, may the circumstances of your next birth, if you have a next birth, feed your spirit so you can be fully yourself and use your energy to benefit all beings. 

Tomorrow I will return to my apartment and dismantle the altar, and I have the intention for the future to redirect my grief for her loss, whenever it arises, to gratitude for the miracle of our connection, and to sorrow for the suffering of the world.

If anyone would like to join me in this practice, let a flower, any flower (because palesa means flower, in Sesotho)—be a catalyst for you to remember your gratitude for all the loving connections you have known and your empathy for all who suffer.