Making friends as an adult

I had a wonderful 2.5 hours with a friend this afternoon. I was showing her some running techniques to make it easier/less painful. We ended with an interesting discussion about making friends. She and her brand new husband (long-term live-in partners though) have just moved into a brand new house and she'd like to befriend her neighbors. 

It is awkward to make friends in a deliberate, inorganic fashion. Her reading revealed that it requires a willingness to deal with that discomfort. If you join a club or a class, everyone accepts that there will be awkwardness. 

Another issue is lack of time, combined with the third issue of lack of need. If you have friends and you don't need more, you don't have a need that requires expending the time to form a new friendship. If someone wants to make friends with you, you may or may not be interested. 

I've made friends at work, including the person I spent the afternoon with. If we continue to work from home indefinitely, that avenue will be cut off. If you've retired, that avenue is cut off. 

A lot of people say that if you have a dog or a child all your neighbors will know you, and I know most of my neighbors with dogs or children. 

Then we have the folks who live in the nearby neighborhood who have the daily happy hour, performing an unusual and very helpful feat. Some years ago they just began throwing parties and inviting everyone in the neighborhood, getting people to know each other, and then began the driveway happy hours during the pandemic. 

When I moved to DC after college, after I finally found employment, I engaged in deliberate social activities. Once a week I made myself go to an event and stay for at least one hour. I would stay longer if I was having a good time. It worked. 

When I worked in Pennsylvania and came home on weekends I decided I needed one local friend. I only needed one. I met an interesting person and befriended her. She tried to introduce me to other local people but ... I didn't need more than one local friend and they weren't interesting. When she moved, she tried very hard to get me to be friends with one of the priests but he was just too wholesome and pure and .... I discovered that one of my requirements in a friend is that they not be that wholesome even if they were really, really sweet. 

Besides, I was socializing with one of my Pennsylvania neighbors and this was sufficient. I just invited her over to dinner a few times. 

a) get a dog
b) join a club
c) join a class
d) invite a neighbor over
e) reconnect with people you've lost touch with but liked back when you were busy
f) pick someone interesting and get over your inhibitions

I mean, we're not little kids anymore. Adults don't point and laugh. If someone isn't interesting, don't invite them a second time. We are all mortal, inhibitions are pointless. 

So, thinking about it, I'm recommending she throw an outdoor open house on the deck, invite a few of her current friends so she knows she and her husband will have people to talk to, and invite all of her neighbors. 

And then, maybe a week or two later, do it again.