Hamilton

Jill drove us to Philadelphia to see a matinee showing of "Hamilton." How exciting! This is easily the best birthday present I've gotten in my adult life. It's a four-hour drive, so it was a bit of a haul, but it was worth it. It also was my first time in this city.

We didn't have time to do anything after except get food. We went to Jim's Steaks on the recommendation of a friend and got cheesesteaks (see extra). Best I've ever had!

The drive home was a bit annoying. Jill has astigmatism and can't see too well at night, so I had to drive. Driving in new places makes me nervous, so that was agitating me. Then when we got home, I dropped my camera trying to take it out of the back of the car, and that set me off. I had a wonderful day and ruined it in a few minutes because gravity makes me angry.

I was upset the rest of the evening. First, I was afraid I hurt my camera. It's fine. Then I was upset that I dropped it. That the back of her car doesn't have any lights to see (what a stupid design flaw). Then I was upset that there was trash in the car, so I cleaned it out. Then I did what's typical when I get angry: I got upset with myself. For hours I was nothing but self-loathing. I told Jill we shouldn't be in a relationship because this is all I do. It seems like every week I get irrationally upset about something that really doesn't matter and then am so angry with myself after, I don't want to be around anymore.

I really need to stop trying to toughen it out or whatever I am doing and call the psychiatrist my counselor suggested. Maybe anti-anxiety meds or something will help. I just don't want them to react to anything else I am taking.