Borders Banter

Dear O'H dear and Lovely Tea Jenny,

The five of us went down to go for a walk with Basher, Lovely Shuvly and their 5 dogs today.

Their Christmas was eventful. They learned that Shuvly may not be the best in a crisis. Basher’s mum (who is fine) choked during Christmas dinner and when Basher shouted for Shuvly to phone an ambulance, she completely froze. “I asked for an ambulance, not musical f’in statues,” was his version!

Thankfully, the food dislodged without the need for any medical help. “And as soon as she got her breath back,” said Basher with disbelief, “she just picked up her knife and fork and kept right on eating. We couldn’t - we were completely done.”

They have also been scammed for a deposit on a boiler as their heating engineer was hacked. Although this is obviously not funny, their stories of the confusion it caused had us crying. The heating engineer at some point realised what had happened and contacted the police who then phoned Basher. Except Basher didn’t believe it actually was a legitimate phone call, and his “Right, are you in on this too?” earned him an “I don’t like your attitude”!

Despite all of this going on, they were on brilliant form. Spending time with them is always great fun. Basher has decided over Christmas to treat his indigestion with a soothing alternative remedy…White Russians! His reasoning is that Gaviscon can cause diarrhoea.

Shuvly: “When did Gaviscon give you diarrhoea?”

Basher: “On your birthday. - when we were on holiday with The Prince and Princess.”

Shuvly: “You mean after the day we went out for lunch and ended up being out until 1 am? I’m not sure Gaviscon was the issue!”

C