Granny Bee

I decided this year that I wanted to spend less time with my children and more time with my Granny.

When she found out about my plan, she promptly got herself a lodger so I couldn't come to stay (she will deny this was the reason, but I am still fairly certain). It wasn't such a big deal as I was dealing with all the crazy house stuff anyway so had NO TIME FOR NICE THINGS, ONLY STRESSFUL THINGS RESULTING IN MAJOR WEEPING INTO GIN GLASSES. Sorry, that was a bit shouty.

Where was I? Yes - my Granny's avoidance tactics were to take a turn for the sour when her lodger (IF she ever existed) got a job down south and had to vacate the guest bedroom. BOOM! I was in there like a shot.

Even my Granny knew the fact that I'd get a long lie was high on my list of reasons for wanting to go and stay with her, so I didn't feel too bad about relishing in the glory of knowing I'd be getting to whoop her butt at cards by night AND then getting to sleep off the victorious high by morning.

Ahhh, what a lovely night we had. Alas, we didn't play cards - that butt whoopin' is still out there in our futures. We were almost definitely going to play, but then we accidentally ordered a fish supper (the size of a single bed matress) and accidentally ate loads of it and it rendered us incapable of doing anything but talk and watch a tiny bit of telly. Well, I did manage to move enough times to eat near enough an ENTIRE packet of those little chocolate egg things with the crispy shells (what the hell are they called, my mind has gone blank?) but that doesn't count as moving, really.

I was doing her head in by asking 'who's that?' every 20 seconds during Easties and Corrie. I hadn't seen either for about 34 years but insisted on knowing the intricate details of every character on screen. Quite possibly the sole reason for 'live pause' to be invented.

In the end she just gave up watching it. Fair enough, really (although she did get her own back the next morning by reading out EVERY SINGLE ONE of the classified ads from the Dundee Courier in this fashion: "Trailer for sale. Nope. Cats need a good home. Nope. Gardener available, excellent rates. Nope. Drug smuggler required. Nope" You get the idea).

All in all, it was a wonderful wee trip - got to hang out with my Gran, took her dog out for a walk around my old stomping ground. Cried at the sight of my really tatty old front door (wasn't nearly as tatty as that when I lived there), even managed to pop in and see my Granny's lovely old neighbour who used to grown beautiful veggies in his back garden. I particularly remember ransacking his peapods and spring onions. The spring onions for some HIDEOUS reason, I used to pinch then dip in sugar and eat. Blearerurururururghghghghg.

And after ALL that, we went out for a big family curry which was great. A great curry in Perth! Who'd have thought it? And the best bit - not one family squabble the whole day...a family miracle indeed.