Flowers

From Stalker.

B is mostly peaceful now, sedated and asleep and he slept through the night. I slept fitfully, but did amass about five hours in snatches. It didn’t help when I woke though and I had an emotional morning. 

When Maxine came we discovered we needed not only to attend to personal care, but also had to change the sheets. Whilst I have learnt a lot, I’m not experienced by any stretch and we took much longer than the allotted 30 minutes. I also pulled a muscle in my upper back/shoulder blade area. Maxine was also shocked to see how swollen his hands are, and the pressure sores that had arrived overnight on his heels and his knuckles. Distressingly, he groans in pain whenever we move his legs and hands. Due simply to the fact that he doesn’t move at all but is lying in the position we place him.

Result is that 
1) from tomorrow he will have two carers  in the morning for 45 minutes
2) from today, an additional carer visit at 8:30pm so that he can be moved again before the long night.
3) having told the nurse when she came to do the driver, about his pain groans, she has said if it doesn’t improve then They will increase the morphine dose tomorrow. She also advised the different creams now required for the feet, elbows, hands, shoulders and ears! 

I chose 2017 from my camera roll to talk to him about this morning. Crikey we did a lot that year! Half an hour in and I was only at May! I figured after an hour he’d heard enough of my voice and played music for the rest of the morning. 

This afternoon, Stalker aka Elaine came after work. I blubbered all over her. As I said, an emotional day. Her visit did me a power of good and we chatted about work, our families etc as well as this awful situation. I really have no idea how I would have coped in the early weeks without her at work, upholding it all. And now, she is coping with it all and taking it in her stride, while also giving me her unfailing friendship and love.
 Di also was here making the garden prettier - she understands having been through a similar experience. 

When Emma came at 6pm, there was nothing much needed other than cream applied, and so I took the opportunity to take Dog for a very brisk 20 minute walk while she sat with B. The first time in many days and it did us both good. Despite having promised Elaine I was going to have a nutritious meal, realising I had to cook and eat it within a short time or wait until after the evening call I opted for beans on toast and some fruit! 

Dog and I then sat on the sofa, B in the bed by the open patio doors, and a pigeon flew straight in the door, flew round the room twice, as I held on to dog wondering how I was ever going to deal with this, when he flew straight out again. 

I am just going to add today, that I have noted new followers, stars and hearts and thank you all. I’ve blipped for several years now, always interactively with my comments on. When this awful thing assailed us I turned them off, mainly because I knew I wouldn’t have time to read other blips or reciprocate, but also didn’t want to keep reading the ‘thinking of you’ comments. I wanted to be able to continue with blipping, to document this time, for my friends and family to be kept in the loop without having to write multiple messages and as a kind of release for me at the end of the day. There is nothing else for people to say, I understand that and have probably been guilty of doing the same in the past. But for me, in this unbelievable, unbearable time I just don’t want it. Having said that, I thank you for reading and know that you do feel my pain, and hope that none of you ever have to go through this too.