My 41st

Today is my 41st birthday. An early Blip as I plan to have a relaxing afternoon and evening as I have things I need to get done tomorrow and Saturday. I had made plans with friends but feeling so exhausted we have decided to put them on hold until January.

I woke up today with less pain than usual so I’m taking that as a win. Putting that down to a rare good night’s sleep last night.

I have had a few cards from close friends and lots of lovely messages wishing me a happy birthday. Friends are definitely better than family sometimes. I think that’s why I make friends very easily. I am a bubbly, people person by nature but the fibromyalgia has impacted on that and I regret that I can’t always be as sociable as I would like to due to my health issues.

My Mum sent me a birthday card with “special daughter” with a picture of a garden bench and flowers on it but it felt pretty meaningless to be honest. I have had texts, cards and some lovely gifts from friends which have meant more to me to be honest. She is even spending tonight with my brother as he is setting up a heater for her. When I move home next year, I don’t plan on giving her my forwarding address. That will be my birthday present to myself. I think she would have fared better with two sons, to be honest.

I have used old photos of myself at various points throughout my life instead of taking a new one for a wee change (today’s main pic and the extras).

The one of me overweight eating mince pies was taken at Christmas 2019 before I lost four stone on my own throughout 2020 - Covid times. I saw an awful photograph of myself and it motivated me to stop using food (and alcohol) to self soothe/self medicate.

Some of the weight I gained was due to awful medication they tried me on for my fibromyalgia. My brother made cruel comments about my weight as did a lot of women who live near my Mum but they said nothing when I lost the weight. I’m proud that I have kept it all off except for a few pounds.

My hopes for the year ahead are to get myself well enough to work again in some capacity, to make more time to write and be creative, to get out to see live music again, to meet someone to share the rest of my life with and to move home to somewhere I will be happy and settled. Hopefully I will still be Blipping this time next year and I can review my progress!

When I was 14, a modelling scout stopped me in New Look (I spent a lot of my teenage years in that shop and in River Island - Tammy Girl too, does anyone remember it? ) asked me if I would like to enter a modelling competition. I was painfully shy at that age and said no thanks but as I got older I regretted saying no and went down the academic path instead.

I hope everyone is having a lovely Thursday and looking forward to 2023 as much as I am xx