Meantime - in a Kirkwall Café

Maggie: You ken Jessie Mowatt?

Jeanie: ls that the Jessie Mowat with one or two 't's ?

Maggie: Two.  She used to be married to Ivan Isbister fae Harray.

Jeanie: Harry Isbister?

Maggie:  Sakes, get a grip.  Well, mind on her irascible son, he must be sixty past now, a real moody bugger, well he was capering with his grandson at Christmas and he accidentally swallowed a tiny GPS device that came oot o' a cracker. 

Jeanie: Don't tell me

Maggie:  Well the upside is, at least ye ken where you are with him noo.

Jeanie:  l had the self same problem when l phoned about me hydro bill.  The answer is to ask to be put through to the Senior Pillock.  Works a treat, I got a good tax rebate.

Maggie: I was tempted by the siskin stir fry today but l am so glad l chose the toastie. Ony other news?

Jeanie:  l don't want to say this too loud but yon Dinah and Big Bill apparently had sex in the Wynd by the cinema two nights ago.  Talk about romantic.

Maggie:  Did Dinah say whit like it was during the act itself?

Jeanie:  No really, she said she just carried on eating her fish and chips.

Maggie: Are you going to the bingo on Friday?

Jeanie: No, not a fried egg.

Maggie: Are you going to the bingo on Friday ?

Jeanie: Not after the last debacle.  Did you no hear that Stan merely called out all the numbers in numerical order.

Maggie: Elsie

Jeanie: Whit ?

Maggie: Are you bonkers?

Jeanie: You cheeky besom, and me name's no Elsie