Manic Monday

Today has been a high pain day. I was awake until 2am in agony. I got up at quarter to seven put on the news. I was in tears with pain and my mood has been low all day.

Made coffee, breakfast. My body just said no today. The damp weather, a lot of stress and unnecessary rearranging of appointments did little for my mood.

I phoned the Pain Clinic today. After much consideration, I have decided against continuing with the chronic pain physiotherapist. 

Quite honestly, her treatment of me last Monday has put me into a depressive state. The pain coupled with that and various other so called medical professionals - fibro life!

At 10am, I left a message on the voicemail as no secretary/receptionist answering the phone yet again. I don’t like leaving voicemails but I just said, I do not wish to pursue any further sessions as I don’t feel your heart is in it. 

I said I felt very let down and disillusioned by the lack of support with my burnt foot re shoes etc. I told her I still wish to remain on the waiting list for the pain consultant. I didn’t expect a callback to try and change my mind and didn’t get one.

I had a email re housing support and the woman wanted to change my appointment and the location of it for the second time in less than week which is a bit of a red flag to me. We agreed she would come and see me and I need to talk to her face to face. I am exhausted with phones. 

I need human interaction. I am not a robot, thank goodness! Tech is brilliant and makes lots of things much easier but I really think that the internet has killed off the art of conversation and healthy debate and the human touch. There are too many health and social care professionals using Covid as a way of avoiding face to face appointments. It made sense at the height of the pandemic but they have just got too comfortable in my opinion. 

I am lucky that my GP is fantastic but my GP surgery is less so. I need to make an appointment to review my fibromyalgia and rebook the practice nurse appointment for my foot burn wound check, bloods, pressure check and weight. I have lost quite a bit of weight but thankfully not too much - stress. Good news is my foot is healing well although shoes still an issue. I am becoming rather adept at dressings, I’m happy to say. I do find it pretty hard on my neck, back and shoulders though but happy to see to myself.

I spent the rest of the afternoon resting and on the phone arranging some other appointments.

Absolutely exhausted. Need an early night. Emergency Blip - photo of a favourite hoodie, I had a very brief skim through my clothes this afternoon to see what still fitted me. 

I don’t have a proper wardrobe, just a fabric one which is over six years old and getting a bit past it. I have a lot of clothes, many of which I have had for years. I am really good at making clothes last and finding bargains.

I donated several bin bags of my “fat clothes” to The Salvation Army in 2020/2021 as I lost the four stone. I decided to donate to them as they fed me and gave me cups of tea when I was homeless nearly ten years ago. 

I’m not a Christian as I had a strict, abusive and very unhappy Catholic upbringing but I am very grateful for their kindness and donating the clothes felt like a way of repaying their kindness. I donate all my clothes and books to them or Shelter, the homeless charity.

I hope you have all had a good start to your week. I’m shattered. I am hoping tomorrow, as I always try to, will be better :) xx