Sunday

After spending last night and over night with windows open the flat  was freezing this morning. Not long being up the headache came back and I felt sick again. Paranoia set in. Although I knew the gas had been blocked off I was still convinced it was still leaking. Then my mind turned to the carbon monoxide side of things (only until half an hour a go I found out that if gas isn't on there would be no carbon monoxide present) , I was convinced I was being poisoned. But felt unable to do anything about it. So I worried. I tried to rationalise it and say it's not possible, then thought I was probably making myself feel ill like this. 

Met Mum this afternoon, and she suggested a walk along Cramond. I tried to get her advice but she had none, I am again disappointed in her response, I wish I could get over that too. She is permanently useless and I know that, but always hope one day she surprises me. 

Back home and my paranoia has had me open all the windows again. I still have a funny head and feel sick. I will phone for a gas engineer tomorrow morning.