A day of photo trawling

I have spent much of the past 48 hours desperately trying to pretend that Nana's still here. I know she isn't in the physical sense, but I have been trawling through photos on my computer just to remind myself of the wonderfully vibrant woman she was.

I have a massive archive of family photos that I scanned a couple of years back, but it is imcomplete - I will need the assistance of my husband tomorrow to get me into the attic to find some more.

This one is a very old one - I have a copy in my office at work. I have been tinkering around with a low res electronic copy of it today to get it 'touched up' and resized so that it is fit to print to poster size. I achieved my objective - the print out is A3 and it looks pretty good.

It is, quite possibly, my favourite photo of my grandparents. I think my family all feel similarly. They just look so glamorous - even though they are just stepping of a plane in either Spain or Malta. Yes, my Grandad really did wear a snazzy black suit to go on holiday in!!!

I remember thinking that my Nana was always quite glamorous. Her nails were always painted, her hair was always 'just so'. She was also quite possibly the most kind-hearted person I have ever come across.

I decided yesterday that I would not be able to speak at the funeral - I know that I will not be able to hold myself together in front of family. Instead, some wise words that a dear friend emailed to me yesterday have been written into a little reading and that will be read out on my behalf. It speaks of the role of grandparent, of the luxury they have of indulging their grandchildren and of bridging the generation gap. It rang so true with me and I hope that my brother and my cousins share that feeling too.

Just need to get through to Thursday, let go of my grief and then begin to hold on to her in my heart and my head without to many more tears, just smiles at all of the good things she taught me.

I also need to get to Friday to see my Doctor. I have some concerns!