"When I Grow Up"

"..and I wonder what you'll be when you grow up" :)

Went down to return my hall keys (had to pay a fine for handing it to them 2 days late.. *gAH!), and paid a visit to my Aunt's. She's just completed 2 rounds of her chemo, and was suppose to do her 3rd and final one yesterday, but her blood count was too low. Dear all, do lift my aunt up in your prayers.

My Aunt's granddaughter's coming close to 3, and she's pretty good at recognising words and numbers, and a fairly good amount of Chinese characters too. I believe much of the 'credit' should go to my Aunt as well as my Godma, as they're my neice's two main caregivers who spend most of their waking hours with her.

Chit-chatting, teaching her how to read, sing, and to also make funny exclamations in a mix of Hokkien and Malay;) It may be a mix of her intelligence (she has a high forehead-- Chinese tradition believes that this is a sign of one's high intelligence!) and her current stage of development, for my neice absorbs information at such an alarming rate, and even knows the context in which to make use of the words she has learn-- it's just utterly incredible to watch her grow!

She brings joy to everyone around her, to her parents, my Aunts, even to me.

I love my neice, I love children, I really do.
I admire them very much too..

..for their never-say-die attitude (like when learning to walk, they try & try again),
..their courage and confidence (trying new things like running, dancing, climbling onto the chair),
..their cheerfulness and positivity (in almost everything);
..their unselfish, unconditional joy & love they give to others
..their innocence-- pure in heart and in spirit,
..their sensitivity towards others (they can feel & understand more things than we expect them to!)

Sometimes I look at myself and wonder where's all that gone to.
Why have they been replaced by self-doubt and cynicism.
Where's that fire? Where's that glow?

It's all there,
right there inside..
searing deep within
just waiting
to be
reignited.
_____________________________________

On the bus from hall to the train station, I thought about the happenings of these few days, and the myraid of emotions involved. Then I started keying my reflections down on my handphone...

"From time to time, I want to put myself in situations where I have to speak up, no matter how uncomfortable/nerve-wrecking, awkward, or embarrasing it may initially be. Because I know I can only get better.

This may be how I am right now-- a little unsure, sometimes lost, a tat anxious, at times frustrated too. But these mere adjectives do not wholly define me, to say they do, would do no justice to the person that I truly am. For I believe that like others, I may be just an unpolished gem.

I know I can better myself, and I know by God's grace, I will. Perhaps not by other people's standard nor within their stipulated time, but why should I concern myself with their expectations? I will change for the better, in my own ways, in my own time. (Then again, it may be in His ways and His time ;) )

Let me always hold a steadfast faith in God, to always be humble and kind unto others. To never lose my ability to love, nor my capacity to embrace and receive love from others.

Let me always believe...
in God
in myself
in the good of others
in Love

"And so these three remain: Faith, Hope and Love; and the greatest of these is Love"
--1 Corinthians 13:13

Whatever life has in store.. bring it on!