In the lavender

Today’s been stressful, and I’m very glad to get it over with. Much as I’m grateful to at last have my cystoscopy appointment - even if it is two weeks later than ‘planned’ - understandably I’m nervous. 

I’ve long abandoned any determination to put on a brave face, and I’m unashamedly a weepy mess. After the trauma of four weeks ago, I really want sedation of some sort, but this doesn’t seem to be an option. Still in fairness, the medical  team do listen, seem to understand the complexities of my situation, and devise a strategy to carry out the procedures as quickly, efficiently and as gently as possible. It’s not pleasant, but it’s over with relative ease, and I’m very grateful.  

My fears are confirmed; the extended damage caused by this disease means that I will need to remain catheterised - presumably until it’s cured. At best, this means a further seven months. Coping with a stoma is one thing, but the idea of going through the summer months and more with the additional accessory of a catheter bag strapped to my leg is hard to contemplate just now. 

But at least now I’m ‘in’ the system, and after four weeks in the wilderness I now have access to advice and help in terms of supplies etc. A kind and helpful nurse sorts out a route into prescriptions and sensing my distress, suggests I use a tap valve rather than a leg bag during the day, giving me much greater freedom. The mere idea of this just lifts my spirits and I’m close to hugging her. 

Although the medical outcome’s far from ideal, it’s been another positive experience. It’s just so frustrating that until today, I’ve been denied advice and care; so many of the frustrations of the past few weeks could easily have been avoided.

Home, I’m understandably sore and weary, but the early evening sunlight in the garden inspires me to get my camera and lying on the grass, I take some shots of our tiny lavender plants, tightly budded, just coming into flower. I’ve no idea what this little bug is, but I like the way he catches the light as he clings to the lavender stalk.