Holding On, then letting go

As Mum took her last breaths, my brother Graham and I were on either side of her, holding her hand and telling her how much we loved her, what a great mum she was and how she would always be forever in our hearts. We knew the time was close, her breathing had slowed down so much. Just as she took her last breath a little tear escaped from the side of her eye on my side of the bed. A precious moment. Then she was gone. My life now will be forever less without this amazing woman in it, and who I had the good fortune to call my Mum.

A blessing that she was in her own bed, surrounded by her family, in peace and comfort. This was made possible by the amazing team of community nurses, who were there for us making sure mum was pain free and treated with care and dignity. I cannot praise them highly enough.

I miss her. My heart is aching for my Mum to just be there sitting in her chair and speaking to us. I wish I could erase and replace times that I was rushing a visit to her cos I was going somewhere else. Why do I think of little things I didn’t do instead of the things I did? She was everything to me, my first love and her not being here anymore is tearing me apart. She’d get on at me for this. Ohhhh Tricia, she’d say …. And give me some wise words that I’ll never have the privilege to hear again.