One year Later

Sometimes it feels like only last week that Mum took her last breath and left us. Everything is.still so vividly remembered. I can picture the room exactly how it was with all her ‘stuff’ on every surface. If I think of that last hour I remember Cameron and Laura arriving downstairs in the complex for me to say a tearful goodbye to Cameron before he left for South Korea the next day. Tears because he would t see his beloved GG again and he wouldn’t be here for the funeral to say goodbye .

Us waiting for the Community Nurses to arrive to administer a top up of morphine, (which Morag did as they didn’t arrive before she died).

Then in that last 20 minutes Graham, Mum and I in her bedroom, on each side of her holding her hand. Her breathing becoming more laboured, speaking to her, knowing the end was coming. Then her last breath, with a solitary tear escaping down her cheek. It’s all as clear as day .
I had an idea a couple of days ago to be in the village that mum lived in for 70 years to mark this 1 year anniversary. We parked the car outside the Moray Institute (where my grandpa was the hall keeper after he retired). Walked down the Back Street, along Abercairney Place where we lived and then down the path of the Danny burn over the railway and up the Red Brae to the bench. It’s such a great view looking down to Blackford with the Ochils behind. So many memories came back. We walked round the back to the other Bench which overlooks the Panholes, and further on to Calendar but could not see as far as this tonight as it was cloudy.

At 9:50pm we played Mum’s song, ate a strawberry tart and shed a few tears. But I feel at peace much more now with her death. Just as she would have wanted me to be. ‘Miss me but let me go’.

The midges were starting to circle so we walked back down the Slack Dale near the cemetry and back through the village to the car.

Not been out as late as this for ages. The road home was quiet. I’m glad I did the remembering this way.