Goodbye Mum

The funeral was at 12:30 so we had morning to prepare ourselves. I was ok reading over my speech - added a couple of lines , practised it. Then for some reason my heart started racing so had a seat and did some controlled breathing - in for four hold then out for four and that was me calm. We left about 1145 and parked at the entrance to McDiarmid Park just to be nearby and headed to the crematorium around 12:05 as we were to meet at the family room at 12:10.

We were first there and we had a chat with Douglas from the funeral directors from Auchterarder and then Mhari the minister of Blackford church. Laura, Dave and Ben arrived then Graham, Morag and Rachel. We gave our cards to Douglas to attach to the flowers. Could hear the mixture of Scottish songs being played in the service room.

Then it was time for us to go in . We walked in to Wild Mountain Thyme. ‘Will ye go Lassie, go, and we’ll all go together. To pluck wild mountain thyme, All around the blooming heather
Will ye go, Lassie go? Beautiful Scottish song.

We sat and I immediately noticed the absolutely stunning spray on mum’s coffin. Chose yellow roses, with white hydrangeas and some complimentary yellows for the roses and other whites. It was a four foot spray that would then be split into four posies by Victoria the florist. Mum would have loved these flowers. When sitting I was imagining her in there with the midnight blue dress and creamy white lacy long waistcoat that she wore to grahams wedding.

The service started with The lords my Shepherd. Mum chose all the music the hyms and the last song one she loved.

Then it was time for Graham and I to go to the lectern. Graham spoke first. A few anecdotes about mum, her personality and he was pretty overcome at one point he couldn’t see his paper. He thanked me and Stewart for looking after mum these years she needed more help which was nice of him.

Then It was me. I felt composed actually. I looked up at people too and felt the love coming back. There were chuckles at bits, and then tears. The last part which was the emotional part got my voice into louder and more emotional mode. But I did it for mum and I felt this tremendous sense of achievement and that she would be proud of Graham and I standing up and speaking from the heart. I believe it is a privilege to speak about a parent in your own voice and words to the people who know them and and there to pay their respects. Mum deserved it and we delivered.

Next was Morag reading the poem which was supposed to be by mums friend Lexa but as mum wrote, ‘she beat me to it’ so Morag read it. Miss me but let me go.

Than the committal. I hate when they shut the doors. Memories of mum swimming in my head. Then it was Abide with me but only three verses as recommended by the organist.

We sat down it was the end and all of a sudden You’ll Never Walk Alone surrounded us. Mum loved that song and often said she wanted it at her funeral. Cue my tears. We walked out just as Jerry sang the crescendo - Walk on, Walk on, with hope in your heart…….

We stood outside to greet those that came to pay respects to mum. Lots less than was at dad‘s funeral 21 years ago. But so many have passed away since then.

The funeral tea was at McDiarmid Park and I booked it for 35 and exactly 35 were there!! How good was that. The spread was very good tasty sandwiches, tray bakes, sponge, macrons, sausage rolls and tea and coffee. Chatting to folks and a few from Blackford came along . A lot of folk said that my speech was very good. I will blip it at some stage.

A group of us went back to the house and I did a toast for mum. We talked about her and laughed at some of the things she had said and Did over the years. How we will miss her presence.

Everyone left and S and I walked into town and sat outside in Tabou and had some food.

What a day. It’s just over a month from diagnosis to funeral and sometimes I don’t think it’s real.

I desperately miss my
mum.



Thank you so very much to those that sent me encouragement yesterdays (Tuesday) blip. It was very kind and it helped reading these lovely words.