First day without you

It was hard
It was hard getting up because I didn’t see any text from you when I opened my eyes
It was hard taking care of myself because I kept telling myself that if I did then it was for nothing because you know I love to hate myself
It was hard to keep up with my own life because you weren’t there to cheer me up along the way
It was hard to keep calm with the workers because you always reminded me to be kind to others
It was hard to stay awake because you weren’t there to chat with me to keep me mentally active
It was hard to listen to music because I kept coming back to that album I made with you to feel like you’re still here
It was hard
But I’ll be okay
It’s just harder in the beginning but if I can’t live with myself how can I live with you right
I stopped smoking weed for a while now and being sober and stressed kinda makes my mind drift away from reality 
Being away from you is so hard
But if it’s the only way that I can show you that I’ve changed
That I’m better than who I was
That I could be the missing piece in your puzzle
Then I’ll do it
No matter what the cost
Because I still love you
A lot
A whole damn lot
And I wish I could tell you this
But I don’t know if it’s the right thing for you right now
You gotta be good yea?
For you
And for me too
I love you
To the end of existence itself
To the brink of annihilation 
To new beginnings

(23:12 29/8/2023 1 day apart)