Digesting

I need to digest this, so I'll write this down here.

I had two hour gig today with R who is 23. He's also living at the farm. I've met him before twice.

Today he was in a bad shape. Really bad. Truly bad. I'm not getting into details. One of the carers told me that perhaps best not to leave with him anywhere as I might not get him to coma back. (He was asking for his mum and wanting to go to his mum's home.) Then one of the carers came to say that he's ready to go out to get pizza.

When I arrived they gave him some medication with hopes it would cheer him up and get him up from the floor.

So we finally get into the taxi. Heading to get the pizza. He gets anxious and starts hitting me twice. I tell him to stop both times and he does stop. But he's covering his eyes and asking to go home and it's not a good situation.

I get the pizza while he waits in the taxi. When we get back to the farm, he bolts out of the taxi and goes to to the wrong house and sits down outside. I quickly take the pizza in so it doesn't freeze and he's able to eat it. I talk him to go inside from the cold. He bolts to the door that is closed, I head to the main entrance and quickly go down to see him. Apparently he crawled in the snow.

I tell one of the carers what had happened and him hitting me. She tells me that last week they had to call the police because he was kicking and hitting everyone. They couldn't contain him. She also tells me that his mum doesn't want to see him. And in addition she doesn't approve some of the medication that he'd need to get rid of the anxiety. She just tells that they are professionals and they have to make do. The one who suffers the most of course is the boy.

It was sad to see him like that. Suffering.

But I also wonder why I was sent to get the pizza with him with just instructions that if you can't get him to come back, call 112. I wonder can I say no if I feel like I can't cope with the situation.

We can report the gigs and I did. I asked them to call me, I want to talk about what happened. This really raised some questions for me. Just about the safety and rights. Just.

I still like what I do, but I realize that I have very little information about the dark side of things.

Also on Monday he's meeting his weekly assistant. I hope that she'll be safe too. I was hit and kicked today.