Las Vegas

If I'm making Las Vegas sound like it was losing some of its appeal, well it's true.  After five days, Vegas was wearing thin.  Not that it isn't GREAT.  Really - I recommend it as a holiday destination - it's very safe, there's lots to see and do, and there's loads of things for kids.  It's just that you sometimes wish there was somewhere to go and hide from it all.
 
But it's hard to avoid, especially if you're out on the street on July 4th, waiting for the fireworks which everyone has assured you are "awesome".  They weren't.  Trust me.  Even Carol and Pete's November 5th firework display last year at which Caro got hit in the head by a stray rocket and Pete nearly blew up his garden shed were more impressive.  

This is because they didn't (so far as we could see) let off a single firework.  It was very disappointing, because I had assumed Las Vegas would rock on Independence Day.  So we went around M&M World, a 4-storey shop devoted to all things covered in chocolate with a candy coating.
 
We reached our last day in Las Vegas, with the fearful knowledge that we were booked on the overnight flight to Toronto and that we would be wrecked on arrival in Canada.  However, determined not to let things like this subdue our antics, I got tickets for "An Evening At La Cage" which was a drag show at The Riviera.  I love this sort of camp, bitchy nonsense and on hearing that it was hosted by a Joan Rivers impersonator, had called up to book two seats.  It too, included a buffet.  I had two dinners and three puddings.

Getting there was in itself a sleazy adventure, as we bypassed all the guys lined up on the strip slapping their palms with porn pamphlets. Which makes a change from slapping their palms AT porn pamphlets. They SLAP loud to try and attract your attention to their attempts to LURE you into strip clubs. All they require from you is a willy. You can be with your wife, your kids, even your Kiwi girlfriend. They just don't care.
 
The Riviera itself was another slightly out-of-date and crumbling casino and therefore lacked the requisite Theme Park Style Theme.  Caro spent half an hour putting $5 into a slot machine then we went to be greeted by Joan.  

Unfortunately Frank, our Joan for the evening, had just got over a cold and spent the evening, "sounding like Barbara Carrera" instead.  Never mind, the rest of the show was an impressive array of Drag Artists lip-synching to Celine Dion, Patti Labelle, Tina Turner, Judy Garland, Liza Minelli, Reba Macintyre, Bette Midler and Cher (who winked at me - I've still got It, obviously.)  Caro's favourite was a hugely fat chap who did Madonna, rolling about on stage while attempting to "Vogue".  He later reappeared as "Tammy Spraynette", having rather amusing problems with his escaping boobs.  I thought Caro was going to have some sort of fit at this point.
 
And with that, our time in Las Vegas ended.  I don't think we ever found Old Vegas, just an echo of it here and there.  The Flamingo was knocked down and rebuilt, even if it does have the old lights flashing outside.  Ditto The Aladdin.  The Sands was demolished long ago and The Desert Inn will soon share its fate.  Meanwhile, the mob has been cleared out and besides they probably wouldn't want to hang out in this new Disneyfied version of Las Vegas anyway.
 
Not that I mind.  The character may have gone, but so has the danger.  I mean, I don't MIND danger.  I laugh at danger.  So long as danger is far enough away from me so that it can't hear and has its back turned.  My point is that Las Vegas may have been sanitised but it's still insane.  And I think that makes it worth visiting.
 
Ring-a-ding-DING!