Email from Caro: Hawaii

Thankyouthankyouverymuch-a......

(Big band musical interlude and lots of Kung Fu moves)

"ELVIS has left the building", a faceless booming voice comes over the speakers.  And I have nearly peed my pants.  Yes, thats right, we saw ELVIS.  The impersonator.  He rocked.  "Are ya lookin' fer trouble?" lip curl, "well, you come to right place."  Oooh, you terrible man.

I have to say it was a bit of a highlight, cruising around Honolulu, Waikiki and Diamond Head, as "Elvis" strutted, thrusted, Kung Fu-ed, and sweated his way around the stage and into the audience on our cruise boat, in his open-to-the-waist-back-and-gold-flares-and-very-large-belt-whole-outfit-fitted-very-tightcostume.  

We drank Chichis (my new favourite drink; a wild concoction of Pineapple juice, Coconut milk and lashings of vodka) and watched this extremely tall man with the most twinkling blue eyes gyrate and sing like he was the King.  We had to have our photo taken with the man himself.  "Hey hey little darlin'" I nearly had a heart attack.  Who knew I could blush?  And wear a ridiculously cheesy grin?  And have a hot flush all at the same time?

But ELVIS was not the only star of our Hawaii Adventure; we bought tickets to a show called "Aloha Las Vegas", and watched impersonators being SHANIA (obviously late 30s and perhaps looking at getting a neck tuck?), NEIL DIAMOND (big voice and big hair), RICKY MARTIN (he had hard nipples. Lisa spotted them as well), MARILYN ("poopoopeedoo" giggle giggle), and MICHAEL JACKSON (circa Billie Jean/ Jackson 5 and pre-surgery).  MJ's moves were incredible -took me back to when breakdancing was hip and we all wore "bop pants" at school during lunchhour and practiced our moves and doing the jerky robot and the old superwavey thing with your arms.

Brownie, Symon and I drank more chichis as MJ moonwalked and managed some other outstanding moves while the little japanese tourists behind us obviously thought all the "Stars" were the originals and nearly mugged NEIL DIAMOND as he sashayed through the audience singing "Sulaimon"...what?  Hey, here's 20 bucks, sing "Sweet Caroline" damn you!  Sing for me Neil!

Oh, and look, its ELVIS again!  This time he was rockabilly Elvis, doing all that "jailhouse rock" (I can't think about it the same way ever since I saw Rich Hall as Otis Lee Crenshaw who explained the finer points of the lyrics).  He was great, doing all the moves, having the sideburns, the floppy hair, the grin, those hips. Two-tone shoes.  Nice.

But wait.  Thats not all.  ELVIS appeared twice in the shopping mall.  I kid you not.  He was looking a little "old Elvis" and perhaps "bad hair dye job Elvis", but the King lives.  In the Ala Moana Shopping Centre, Honolulu.  You heard it here first.