Homecoming

Five weeks ago I emailed the architect with a carefully considered list of problems with the house build that I thought were their responsibility. I had a prompt and reasonable reply in which he answered some of my points, half-answered others and suggested a meeting to talk about the most contentious for which I had claimed compensation.

Trawling through thousands of documents (sketches, drawings emails, WhatsApps, site meeting notes and, yes, blips) and discussing them with long-suffering Firstborn (a civil engineer who knows about building contracts) has been time consuming and stressful. I really haven't enjoyed revisiting the stress of the build and adding new layers to it.

The contentious point, obviously, was adversarial but with the eight other points I just wanted to offer feedback to avoid other people going through the same problems as I had. But I don't think it's possible to get someone to take feedback on board in an adversarial meeting and I have been churning over and over how to approach today's meeting.

Last night I decided to change tack. I do not want my home to be a source of anger and resentment. I want to acknowledge the excitement that I felt when we first met, be honest about where things didn't work out as we'd hoped, come to some sort of agreement about what happened and move history into the past.

It was a good meeting. I learnt some stuff, he learnt some stuff. I have invited him to come and see the house now the building work is done and he is keen to see it.

I know that some people will think I have wimped out, but I am pleased and relieved that I handled it this way. 

At no stage did Firstborn tell me that this is what I should do so I was interested in his comment after I reported on the meeting: 'Well done mum. I think you took the right approach.'