Holiday

... for some.

The beach is looking a lot more summery suddenly. You can usually spot the difference between grockles and locals, because the grockles tend to have all the kit.
Beach mission.

The less said about my day the better.
Actually there's nothing to say anyway. Despite being physically fine and having ambitions for the day, I actually achieved bugger all. By afternoon I was beating myself up and declaring the day and myself a complete failure.
I really can NOT forgive myself if I have unproductive days. They are not allowed.
Going for a walk didn't really help. I wanted to smack myself. It's like that scene in Fawlty Towers where Basil Fawlty lays into his car with a large branch. It's frustration that needs venting. It won't work but there's energy and anger that needs to go somewhere. I am a conky, wonky old car.

I'm looking at this in a few ways. One of which is that I simply have down days where I have low self-esteem and depression and I will hate myself however things go.
Another is that I have an inherent dreamy, imaginative, creative character and I will always have days where the things that happen don't show in a practical way (for example my head has been swimming with some thoughts I want to turn into written words and I have been batting them away). Another is that I have been quite physically active recently to make up for the days of fatigue, and I have also done things that made me step outside my comfort zone and worry a bit so I'm having a bit of a social expectation exhaustion/meltdown/thing.

Conclusion: I am the sum of my dodgy parts. And currently I need some garage time. You can't go brumming around in the countryside and enjoying the view if you ain't working proper.