Tuesday

Just to confuse future me, I am posting photos from the previous day. 

I doubt I shall ever write here what actually happened that night because it's not something I'll forget.

My emotions are getting the better of me. A complete stranger took me in her arms the other day. She wasn't staff. She could see my distress and gave me comfort. I was snotty and howling, "I thought she was dead" repeatedly.

Later, I found out this woman and family, had gathered to switch off the life machine for her daughter's boyfriend. And she was comforting me! She said, "This happens to other people doesn't it. This doesn't happen to us."

Florence has been moved from critical care and this photo is the view from her new bed, not that she's much interest in looking at it.

Her head hurts beyond belief and she's on a drug that makes her dozy. I can now be with her 1pm til 7pm.

A great deal of her head has been shaved and she has approx 35 heavy duty staples holding it together.

She told me she remembers feeling very faint and the next thing she remembers is hearing my voice. She's fully herself, personality wise, but her short term memory is not quite there yet. She asks what she's had surgery for often. 

A neuro something or other came to talk to us and explained to Florence that a piece of skull had been taken away to access her brain. (The bit of skull has been replaced) She is bewildered and you can periodically see utter confusion on her face.

Her face is less swollen and she can see again. Her neck hurts. A nurse said it will have been caused by the tube they put down when she was intubated. (Jess said it was shockingly big) All the tubes are out but the needles are still there incase of need.

Jess arrived after work and then Becca. There was a very emotional reunion between them. Then I left the three of them together.

I found myself sitting in Ruskin park, in a cloud of weed wafting from a nearby couple.

I ate the food I had prepared for Florence, but she couldn't eat, and a Vegan Blueberry Cookie Magnum, whilst watching squirrels and parakeets. (1000s of parakeets.)

Today, Tuesday, I'm meeting my niece, Ruby, for coffee, then I'll take her to the hospital. I'll leave them to it for what will be emotional. 

Clive will be here later but will go home again this evening.

It was mentioned that patients do better at home. I'm sure it'll be a day or two away but I'm worrying about getting her up four flights of stairs. Eventually, I'll get her home in Devizes for a few weeks. 

I organised a gathering with my work colleagues. Then Louisa offered to host it. I couldn't go anyway, in the end, because I should have been at my aunt's funeral in Merthyr today. Carol sent the extra photo. No Nicola or Debbie in it, I notice. I've only told Carol. I couldn't cope with even more messages. I let Carol pass on events and she asked them not to text, but, of course they have. But they understand there will be no replies from me.

Not looking forward to the heat of London today.