Actually having fun

This was Tess after an hour and a half of the school fête today.

Richard, Gemma and I made our way towards her - assuming she'd had enough and wanted to go home. But it turns out she was actually having a lovely time alone on the bench in the shade with a 20p second-hand book about dogs, and was absolutely not ready to go home at all.
"I love this book!" she said. "I don't know how I'm going to save all the pages I like."

It was an interesting fête. Richard and I were cornered by Tess's teacher who asked when she could have a chat about Tess's literacy.
"Well. How about now?" said Richard.
I assumed he was joking, and I laughed.
Tess's teacher didn't assume he was joking and organised a classroom and the school's nominated literacy expert forthwith.

So. Minutes later we were sitting in a classroom having a chat about Tess's literacy, while the Maypole dance happened outside, and the barbecue smells wafted through the door.
I knew what they were going to say. I've watched Tess writing, I've heard Tess reading. I know what it's like to have a child whose reading and comprehension is WAY above average and yet who struggles to write well or neatly. We've been here before with Joel.
Despite my anxiety, I was determined to stick up for Tess and make it clear that I thought it had little to do with attitude or laziness, and more to do with her own learning patterns. I didn't use the right words, I spoke too slowly and my voice was deep with nerves, but I somehow felt I was making it clear I knew what I was talking about. I also made it very clear that Tess does do a lot of writing at home and it's not due to lack of practise.
Richard congratulated me afterwards for managing to drop into the conversation that I have a degree.
Anyway everyone was very lovely, but I do think perhaps Tess came away thinking she's not good enough.

Then we went back outside into the hot sun and sweated away with everyone else.
As usual I struggled with my own physical presence and couldn't wait to get home, but I stuck it out for long enough to feel like I'd done my bit for our youngest child. Boy - but it was hot!!

Earlier Richard and I took a walk in the local woods and that was more more pleasant.

We've been knackered all day after 3 restless nights. I had loads of trouble dropping off after writing last night's blipfoto. I got it into my head that everyone would hate me and think I was completely unreasonable. It's really distressing being passionate about things to the point where you jeopardise your own health and peace. I don't know how else to explain it right now. I just know that I think things that will cause people to think I'm a bit of a nutty iconoclast and maybe even reject or challenge me - and even though I'm scared I won't be able to handle either (and I usually can't emotionally), I still have to be honest. Things really get to me, and I feel a need to question them.
Anyway... At about 3am this morning the smoke alarm decided to let us know its battery needed changing, and we just couldn't get back to sleep afterwards. There seems to be some rule that if you're knackered you must carry on being knackered.