Photographic Evidence

When I was trying to reason at close quarters with my errant nephew the other day he, very rudely, whipped out his phone, took a picture of my face and said, This is what you look like. 

I woke early this morning and decided to go and check on the family nursery. It was a beautiful morning and I very much enjoyed the drive down there on empty roads in my Honda S2000. 

I walked down to the back field and found many tents and cars which had no right to be there. I don't blame the people present. No sign of errant nephew who has told them, erroneously, that he has a right of access. I walked round taking photographs openly using my 500mm lens. I have every right to do this on my own land. Some of the people waking up didn't like it. 

My sister joined me and we stood at the gate ready to turn any new arrivals away. My nephew appeared from his tent near the road and had lost his voice. A mercy. I'd decided not to speak to him anyway.

As a couple of men drove out they took a photograph of my sister and me leaning against my car by the gate. No doubt the pics will be circulated in their secret Whatsapp group. Let me be the first to dub us Aunt Sponge and Aunt Spiker. I've never read James and the Giant Peach or seen all of the film but my son was amused by the aunts. My sister asked who I wanted to be. I said obviously we both would want to be Joanna Lumley's Spiker. In the words of a reviewer of her new Australian series, I find Miriam Margolyes tiresome.

PS Extras. Paralytic?