Why am I so messed up?

I know some of the reasons, but I received an envelope this week that included some report cards from my school days.

Unbelievably, I remember my school days fondly, but it seems I had forgotten how shitty it was at the time. Being 'on report' was not something to be proud of. In my school you were ridiculed for it. I was 17 studying for my A levels and as you can see things were not going well. This card was sent to my mum who had to sign it and my performance was constantly monitored. In some classes we were made to sit in our exam results order, aka idiots at the front. The school bullies loved this and made life even more miserable.

It was easy to identify the bullies in my school because they were all in the rugby team. I think the technical term is 'jocks'. They loved themselves, the school masters loved them, the girls loved them and they were the biggest set of w*****s I have had the displeasure of spending time with. 
I can still remember some of their names and faces and I still resent them.

In those days no one gave a shit about your mental health like they do now. You just keep your mouth shut, get on with it and work harder!
It's highly likely I had undiagnosed depression looking back.

My relationship with my Dad who paid for me to attend this very expensive private school was completely over by then, in fact I never saw him again. I was (socially) drinking to excess and smoking and my first serious (for me at least) girlfriend Rebecca had dumped me for a guy (probably from the rugby team) at her boarding school. I was moody, angry, drove dangerously fast everywhere and hated the world. 

Looking back it is a miracle I am here to write this. 

I will have my full school reports soon and that will give you an even bigger laugh...