I was born....

... Under a gooseberry bush. With a Plastic Soon in My Mouth...

Or so I was oft told.

Had my parents been natives of North America I may have been named Ruby Gooseberry Grey Sky, after the first things I saw, which you may consider a more thoughtful name than Amanda Hugankiss.

There is live music at the pub this evening. Without doubt, Substitute by The Who will feature.

It's a classic:
You think we look pretty good together
You think my shoes are made of leather

But I'm a substitute for another guy
I look pretty tall but my heels are high
The simple things you see are all complicated
I look pretty young, but I'm just back-dated, yeah

Substitute your lies for fact
I can see right through your plastic mac
I look all white, but my dad was black
My fine-looking suit is really made out of sack

I was born with a plastic spoon in my mouth
The north side of my town faced east, and the east was facing south

And now you dare to look me in the eye
Those crocodile tears are what you cry
It's a genuine problem, you won't try
To work it out at all you just pass it by, pass it by

Substitute me for him
Substitute my coke for gin
Substitute you for my mum
At least I'll get my washing done


These delicious, desert, ruby gooseberries are ripe at last and will be harvested tomorrow. Crumble for pud!